All Tea No Shave

Episode two bitches!

Our queens are back after their naked challenge, mourning the loss of Tempest DuJour.

Sour Grapes is pissed as hell about Michelle Visage’s comments about her boy body and gripes, “I hate Michelle Visage.”

The reactions are fantastic.

Ooh girl, that’s like telling people you don’t love Cher. You just don’t go there. How much hate mail do you think she got after that? Bad move Sour Grapes, bad move. One of the other girls mentions thinking that Miss Fame should have won, and she hems and haws about it. As much as I’m disliking Sour Grapes and her Michelle-insulting skinny ass ways, she did deserve that win.

There is some vaguely manufactured looking drama between Sasha Belle & Pearl. Meh, it’s too early in the show for this kind of shit. You can’t really backstab a queen that you barely know. Pearl calls Sasha “John Goodman in a wig”, and I think that’s being a little harsh.

I see Jon Lovitz.

The queens all skip into the werkroom together, like they’re on their way to Oz.

Has anyone ever done an all-drag production of The Wizard of Oz? Somebody make that happen. Miss Fame gets a cuddle from Trixie when she talks about missing her husband.

Aww, cuddly queens.

What the fuck does Ru say now when Shemail… sorry when her generic message to the queens that in no way insults transgendered people shows up?

Mini challenge! These girls are about to get blown! I didn’t know they could show that on cable! Also, this is not the face that one should make, when they think they’re about to get blown by the Pit Crew.

THIS is the face you should make:

Clearly Pearl is not someone who can pull together a look quickly.

That shit right there is going to give me nightmares.

Moby, forget being short and homeless, when did you get so old?

How damn old am I if you look like that? Stop giving me a mortality complex, old Moby.

Hello again Miles Davis Moody’s bulge.

This may be one of the funniest mini challenges ever. I seriously don’t know how they managed to pick winners from this.

Moby was definitely a top contender though.

Ginger Minge & Trixie Mattel are the winners!

Then the queens find out about the main challenge. They have to do a performance that combines lip synching and dancing to create the inflight safety video for the first ever drag queen airline: Amazonian Airways. Do you know how much money they would make if that were a real thing? The girls pick teams, and Sour Grapes is legitimately clueless as-to why no one wants to pick her even though she won the last challenge.

News flash girl, it’s because your attitude blows more than the mini-challenge.

Sour Grapes is killing her team with her negative energy, and she just has no idea that they all are THIS close to stabbing her.

Sasha Belle gets all bitchy with Ginger Minj because she didn’t get the part that she wanted. “I’m a little worried about having such a small part.”

Oh girl, it’s not the size that counts, it’s how you use it.

The girls go to rehearse the number with Jamal Sims. First up is Trixie’s team. Katya is freaking out because she has the long opening monologue to remember.

Where is Latrice Royale when these girls need her? “5G’s: Good God, Get a Grip Girl.”

Pearl has had enough of Sour Grapes and her bitching, and I kind of love her after she makes this face:

Miss Fame does not know how to make her booty bounce. Seriously, what does this queen do with her spare time? What queen doesn’t know how to shake their hips?

Ginger’s team is next. Ginger is lusting after Jamal, but freaking out over the choreography.

Maybe we need to add dance classes to the things that queens ought to do before they sign up for the show? JDF pulls the old, “I have a knee injury” bit. Slap a brace on that shit and shake your damn bootie girl.

I swear Miss Fame uses an entire can of hairspray on this wig.

The ozone layer is crying right now. Then Miss Fame’s crying over her dead grandfather who raised her and I feel bad. Aww. I worry for Miss Fame since we’re getting her sob-story now, does this mean she’ll be going home? I hope not.

Also, can we please talk about this amazing shirt Trixie Mattel is wearing?

Very “On Golden Pond”.

Ru looks glorious in purple!

Michelle’s breasts should have their own show.

I swear, Olivia Newton-John must have an IV drip of botox constantly in her bloodstream to look like this:

I mean she must be, what? 78 now? I mean Moby looked about 65.

The musical number starts and Katya is just terrible. She bombs essentially the entire opening monologue.

Holy crap, they’ve done some insane musical numbers on Drag Race, but this one might be the most insane thus far. Trixie seems to be right in her element.

I did love the, “There’s something on the wing!” Bit.

I will NEVER stop poking fun at PhiPhi O’Hara.

I’m curious if Ginger’s team is going to do the same number, but it’s something completely different.

From the get-go, Ginger’s team is much more on-point. Ginger is great, and Mrs. Kasha Davis does a good job as well.

There’s a bit of a clunky moment with Sasha Belle trying to take a clip out of her wig, but they’re much better overall than Trixie’s team. So much for Aryan Airways. In true Ru Form, there is a full number dedicated to farts.

Don’t ever change Ru.

The girls walk down in jet set eleganza! Some of the looks are quite on-point, many girls opted for flight-attendant looks, while others opted for travel outfits and suitcases. I love Trixie’s Jetson-inspired outfit.

Katya looks completely adorable in this.

I get more, “Maxing out my husband’s credit card,” than “jet set eleganza” from Max’s get-up, but she looks great.

Pearl’s outfit is fantastic, but I wonder if she’s deliberately contouring her cleavage to look cartoonie or not?

Damn you Sour Grapes. Why do you have to have such an attitude problem? You’re SO adorable! I want to LOVE you!

Oh dear. Miss-step, Miss Fame! Her looks have been great so far, but this look did not set my loins on fire.

Big hat, big bag, big deal, Kandy Ho’. At least there’s no BIG BEARD for a change.

Eh. Mrs. Kasha Davis looks good as always, but I think this just isn’t draggy enough for me. I need bigger hair, more accessories, SOMETHING.

I’m not sure what Kennedy Davenport was going for with this. Flight attendant on Executioner Airlines?

Poor Sasha Belle, she’s just sad really.

I don’t know what airline JDF works for, but I want a first-class ticket and a lot of free liquor.

Jasmine Masters is working… something.

Will this hair fit in the overhead compartment?

Ginger Minj looks adorable, but this has fuck-all to do with jet set eleganza. Well, I suppose it’s the color of the sky.

We learn that in-spite of it being a team challenge, the girls are going to be judged individually. Katya loses her shit.

Better start warming up for that lip synch NOW girl.

Katya gets props for her runway, but is called out for her awful monologue. Sour Grapes gets some love, but Miss Fame is deemed too stiff and serious. They loved Ginger Minj’s performance, but are also confused by her runway outfit. The judges have no good news for Sasha Belle. Girl really needs to do some more work and get her look more polished. Mrs. Kasha Davis gets rave reviews for her performance too.

We learn that Carson Kressley now loves Minj.

Watching Drag Race, apparently 100% more affective than “Pray the Gay Away.”

Unsurprisingly, Sasha Belle is up for elimination.

So much for cracking the code.

Mrs. Kasha Davis, and Sour Grapes are both safe, and Ginger Minj is deemed the winner.

A well-deserved win, especially considering the trouble she was having during rehearsal with the choreography. Just goes to show, having a hot piece of ass for a choreographer can do wonders for motivation.

Katya is also in the bottom two, you better turn it out girl! I’m not ready for my girl from Boston to go home yet!

Within the first few minutes Sasha is doing this crazy thing with her shoulders and I think Katya is going to be safe.

Katya jumps into a split, and it’s game over for Sasha.

Then Katya does something I’ve never seen before on Drag Race and falls into a slow-motion split. Nice one. Also, I think Sasha loses a chicken cutlet near the end of the lip synch.

Keep your poultry penned in girl!

Of course Katya shantays, and she stays. Bye-bye Sasha Belle, we barely knew ye. She seems like a nice girl, but she really didn’t seem ready for this competition. Maybe she’ll get some higher-paying gigs and be able to afford some better wigs now.