So we’re back from next week and the girls are bidding adieu to Trinity’s lipstick message. Do you think the queens specifically bring a cheap lipstick with them to write on the mirror? You know they don’t want to be using any expensive shit for that.
Bianca and Courtney are the only queens left who haven’t lip-synched. I wouldn’t be surprised to see Bianca make it to the end without ever lip-synching. I just can’t imagine her ever doing that badly at a challenge. Girl is good. Has any other queen made it through the whole season without lip-synching?
Courtney is starting to get a bit shady now that the competition is narrowing down. She’s not all sweetness and boy-ass.
Man only six queens left. I can’t believe we’re already so close to the end! My heart is heavy at the thought that once again Drag Race will be over in just a few more episodes. Oh I can’t think about it. It’s like trying to contemplate the end of the universe. It just makes your head want to explode.
Courtney tells a story about how her right testicle popped out while she was contorted in a box during a magic show, and DeLa asks her why she had a rat testicle.
I can’t tell if DeLa is throwing shade about Courtney’s accent, or if she legitimately misheard.
I miss my Shemail.
Is it just me or does Ru look kind of sexy in this getup?
Today’s mini-challenge is terrible. Even by Drag Race mini-challenge standards, and they’ve had queens carry eggs in their crotches and drop them into baskets. The queens have to put on big nude body suits and then create abstract body paintings inspired by equality.
DeLa manages to do some fairly impressive mid-air twerking.
They mostly just wind up flopping around on the floor and making big ol’ messes. Bianca seems to have fun with it though.
I can’t complain too much because most of the mini-challenges this season have been hilarious, this one just happened to be a stinker.
I am living for these art puns though: Pic-ass-o, Shake my Monet Maker, Georgia O’Queef, Andy Whore-hall, Stop relying on that Boticelli. There needs to be a drag queen named Andi Whorehall. Make it so children.
I haven’t seen this much terrible art since I went to art school.
Bianca does a brilliant job bull-shitting some meaning into her twerk of art, and she is declared the winner.
Smart cookie Ms. Bianca to know that art is 2% talent and 98% convincing sounding bullshit. She does lose some points though, for not saying that something in her painting was “phallic”. You always need to throw “phallic” in. People eat that shit up.
RuPaul lets the queens know that they’ll be doing bridal makeovers today. She brings out some brides-to-be and for winning the mini-challenge, Bianca gets to pair the brides up with all the queens.
Of course they’re not making over the brides though. That wouldn’t be much of a Drag Race challenge would it? The doors open up again and out come the grooms. Our queens will have to turn these dashing grooms into blushing man-brides Wow, what a twist, didn’t see that coming huh? I guess the makeover challenge is just starting to get a little boring because there’s only so many categories of “guy” that you can makeover. We had butch girls in season 1, older gay men on season 2, jocks on season 3, DILFS on season 4, and gay veterans on season 5. I guess it’s just seeming a little stale after seeing the same challenge done so many different times. I really wonder why they’ve never done makeovers on younger gay guys who are interested in becoming drag queens. I think that would have the potential to be really interesting and mix things up for a change.
I also wonder how these people get chosen for these challenges. I fucking want RuPaul to marry me! Please Ru? I’ll get divorced and marry my husband again!
Bianca consults with her bridal couple and is thrilled when the bride essentially says she wants her man-bride to look like a whore. I think they’re all going to get along.
Joslyn is practically shitting herself with excitement for this challenge but her man-bride is slightly less enthusiastic. Why the heck did he sign up for this?
DeLa’s man-bride is sporting a Grizzly Adams beard that his own bride has never seen him without! He’s willing to shave for the challenge, but it makes both his bride and DeLa nervous. Because you never know what could be under there…
AGH! Kill it!
Darienne’s couple are totally fans of the show, and you can tell that the man-bride has secretly been dying to be a drag queen for ages now. He wants to look fierce like Sharon Needles. It’s kind of adorable. I can’t wait to see how he reacts to being dragged up.
Courtney’s man-bride is tall, beefy and masculine, basically everything that Courtney is not. She seems a bit daunted by the task at hand because she can’t sew and has to make a gown for this huge guy. Perhaps she got cocky a little too soon?
Adore’s man-bride is endearingly enthusiastic about the whole challenge, which is good because poor Adore is already freaking out because she’s never done someone else’s makeup and she can’t sew. Again, why do these queens not take a sewing class before they come on the show when they know there are always sewing challenges? I adore Adore, but I also want to slap her just a bit. Adore wants to beat her man-bride’s face and he’s a bit shocked until she explains the lingo to him. Seriously, these people get to be on a show they obviously don’t even watch? THEY ARE NOT WORTHY!
The wives are taken away to be fitted for their tuxedos and the queens get started on dragging up the man-brides. It’s always fun to see the men try to walk in heels for the first time.
Bianca’s man-bride is from Holland and he has absolutely zero issue with gays. Bianca thinks it’s refreshing to meet a straight person with no hangups. Really? That kind of bums me out that Bianca would find a nonjudgmental straight person to be such a novel thing. I would hope she’s met some other accepting straight people during her life.
Ru comes in to Tim Gunn the queens and Joslyn starts calling her Ru-sie Q. Where the heck did that come from? Joslyn’s man-bride is a professional basketball player and he is really worried about what his teammates are going to think when they see the show. He seems REALLY bothered by it, to the point where I truly am wondering why he signed up for this. He just really doesn’t seem up for the whole thing. It’s odd because he’s the only one of the group who is obviously uncomfortable.
Darienne’s man-bride is SO into this whole thing. He’s acting nonchalant, but you can tell inside he’s just squeeing.
Bianca’s already started the construction on her man-bride’s dress and he’s already starting to look good. I think Bianca has this one in the bag.
Adore is trying to make a skirt but has no idea what she’s doing. Bianca tries to help her out a little, but at this point it’s kind of sink or swim. I think Adore is in way over her head at this point. Eventually someone’s just gonna have to let the loveable bitch drown. It’s the kindest thing to do.
Joslyn is getting her man-bride in his veil and chirpily asks him if he feels like a princess. His response of a deadpan, “I guess,” just says it all.
Adore is putting a heinous frizzy black wig on her man-bride and it looks just awful. Even the man-bride himself says it looks like a thrift store wig. I seriously hope she doesn’t plan on sending him down the runway in the hideous thing.
Courtney starts being shady at Adore and it’s kind of mean. Adore is so clearly out of her depth on this challenge, it’s like picking on the kid with the peanut allergy by waggling a PB&J in his face.
Joslyn’s man-bride is going on and on again, worrying about what his teamates are going to say when they see him in drag. It’s quite clear that there are some homophobic undertones to what he’s saying. It’s really a shame that there is still such homophobia among professional sports. We still have such a long way to go with tolerance and acceptance.
Bianca wins the world when she says that Joslyn’s man-bride looks like the one girl Gremlin from the movie. I love that Bianca is not just referencing Gremlins, she’s referencing Gremlin’s 2! My love for her just grows and grows. Also, she’s pretty spot-on with that observation.
Ru is like a disco ball of love and acceptance.
Finally, some guest judges I know! Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka, better known as Mrs. Neil Patrick Harris. They’re just adorable.
Joslyn and her man-bride are first and oh my. It is not good. Joslyn looks like a two year-old playing dress-up, and her bride is just a mess.
Courtney is next and it looks like she’s the daughter-of-the-bride, escorting her mother down the aisle for her fourth marriage. Considering how big and beefy the guy was, I suppose she did an ok job, but she certainly steals the spotlight from her “daughter”.
Bianca is clearly the winner. Her bride is absolutely unrecognizable from the man he was before. The dress is adorable, Bianca looks incredible, and the little show she puts on of holding back tears is just perfect.
Darienne’s goth man-bride is next and he actually looks really pretty! He has a good face for drag. I’m not feeling Darienne as much, but the little touch of her spray-painting the bouquet black was cute.
Adore’s man-bride is next and oh fuck is it a trainwreck. He looks like a drunk sixteen year old who got pregnant and now has to marry his boyfriend who’s in a band. His mom didn’t approve so instead his much hotter best friend is walking him down the aisle. He’s wearing that terrible wig too. Fuck, this is BAD Adore.
DeLa is next and she’s adorable in her little mother-of-the-bride outfit. Her man-bride turned out pretty too.
So I guess this really is the wedding?
I hope for these couple’s sake that they had a “real” wedding afterward, because this is kinda weak. It must be weird to be looking up at their husbands and seeing these big ol’ drag queens looking back at them.
The goth couple is pretty cute though when they pepper their vows throughout with Drag Race catchphrases. I laughed out-loud at, “Where my people at?”
Time for critiques and Joslyn gets read to filth for her man-bride’s look and metallic makeup. He does look a bit like robot Michael Jackson from Moonwalker.
Poor Bradonna can’t handle the wig, makeup, dress and criticism and he quietly excuses himself from the stage so he can throw up. What is it about this stage that it makes people puke? We don’t see it in the episode, but in Untucked, they show a clip of NPH running off-stage to see if Bradonna is ok. Aww, how can you not love NPH?
Courtney gets some flack for looking better than her drag daughter.
Of course they love Bianca and her drag daughter, although Santino thinks the dress ought to have had a train. Really? Should she have made her up to look like a deer and written “auf weidersehen” on her ass too? Don’t think we’ve forgotten Santino! Bianca rightly states that the poor guy was already battling heels, lashes and balls in his ass, so she wasn’t about to give him a train to trip on too. God I love her.
Darienne’s drag daughter totally wants to be a drag queen now. I knew it.
I’m happy to find out that DeLa’s man-bride does NOT actually have PhiPhi O’Hara under his whiskers. He’s got a chin dimple for days! You shouldn’t be covering that up.
I just cannot get over how tragic Adore’s drag daughter is. This has to be the worst makeover result EVER, from any season of Drag Race, and that’s saying something. Remember Carmen Carrera’s drag sister?
David Burtka claims that he’d think Bianca’s drag daughter was a woman if he saw her in public. RuPaul is right, he needs to get out more. NPH thinks that Darienne and her drag daughter were his least favorite of all of them. Really NPH? Did you SEE Adore’s daughter? Seriously I just cannot get over how awful she looks. I don’t know whether to cry or put a bag over her head.
Look how much better that is already!
Ru totally wants to fuck NPH. Who can blame her?
DeLa and Courtney are both safe.
Ru says, “Bianca del Rio, we loved your makeover so much… you are the winner of this challenge.” If it seems like something is missing there, you’re right. You find out on Untucked that she also said, “I want to marry, fuck AND kill it!” It irritates me how much you miss if you don’t watch Untucked. Bianca wins a trip for two to Hawaii, and her bride and groom win a trip as well. Bianca is THRILLED.
You also find out on Untucked that she throws some shade at Darienne, “Beats Florida, didn’t you win that?” Ha! Also THREE wins now bitches! Just you try and stop this queen! She’s so hot, her pussy is on FIRE!
Adore and Joslyn are the bottom two, to no one’s surprise, they were both terrible. Both Joslyn and Adore are good lip-synchers, and both have lip-synched before, so it’s a toss-up on who could win this.
Adore is immediately showing crazy energy and getting into it.
Joslyn looks a bit awkward in her giant ugly outfit, and I notice that she doesn’t even appear to be tucked.
That’s sloppy girl.
Then Adore kicks off her shoes and I’m inwardly groaning. If you can’t lip-synch while keeping your shoes on, WHY are you a drag queen? Keep your damn shoes on! Compared to last week’s amazing lip-synch between Adore and Trinity, this one is really weak and lackluster. Even though Adore is really trying to bring a lot of energy, it’s just feeling desperate. I think Ru would have been justified in sending both home, but Ru tells Adore to shantay and she stays.
Aww, I will miss Joslyn. Who would have thought I’d grow to love the girl I picked to be eliminated first? We knew she wasn’t going to win, but she was sweet and funny in her talking heads. Now go home and get your ass married in your twelve bikinis girl.
Until next week hunties!