Two episodes this week? Fuck, I can barely get ONE episode recapped in time! Forgive me my children if these recaps are exceptionally late. Hopefully they’re worth the wait!
After last week’s elimination the girls are bemoaning the loss of their favorite eye-candy, Ms. Tall Cool Glass of Milk. Oh wait, they’re over it. Darienne is moaning about Ben De La Creme some more and I am so over this cranky bitch.
Trinity is complaining again about how she’s upset that so many of the challenges have not been geared towards her strengths. Because in case you didn’t already know, she lipsynchs, FOR A LIVING. We get it girl. Bianca gives her a hard time about it and says that if Trinity doesn’t change her attitude, she’s not going to be around for much longer. Preach it Ms. Del Rio. She has a very valid point, the girls who can’t be pushed out of their comfort zone never go far.
The next morning the girls are back in the werk room. Now can we talk for just a second about Courtney’s hat here? Who the heck does she remind me of?
Only when Courtney tells a lie, something else grows.
The ladies are tasked with a very weird mini-challenge where they have to hand-model different kinds of produce. It seems a bit unfair because all the girls have to model different items and I think showing off a banana is probably much easier than showing off peanuts. One can never go wrong with a phallic symbol, especially an edible one. The results are pretty funny though. Trinity’s straight-faced facade cracks for just a moment while she’s giving a carrot a very sensual looking hand-job.
Darienne also has cleavage to rival Michelle Visage’s. I would like to see the two of them in a cleavage duel. What could we call that?
I am rolling at Bianca and how she chose to make herself up for the challenge. She looks like Annie’s slightly special older sister in that getup. Girl also knows how to work a cucumber.
Is it wrong that I’m a little turned on?
At the end of it all, Laganja is declared the winner.
I’m not even sure how Ru judged this because Laganja and her sweet potato didn’t seem like anything special to me. Maybe Ru just wanted to give poor needy Laganja a break. “Why do I never wiiiin anything? I’m used to wiiiining!”
We learn that the main challenge will be for the queens to come up with 30 second commercials to shill Ru’s new Glamazon line of makeup from Colorevolution. The queens will be working in pairs, and Ru has decided the pairs herself. SHADE! It turns out just as you would expect: Adore & Laganja, Bianca & Trinity, DeLa & Darienne, and Courtney & Joslyn. Bianca’s face falls like a ton of bricks when she learns she’s paired up with Trinity.
I live for Bianca’s faces.
Also the paired queens each have a different market segment they need to target. Adore and Laganja get “mean girls”. Aw Ru, don’t sell to them, they’re terrible! Joslyn and Courtney get “hot mamas”. Bianca and Trinity get “glamorous working girls”. DeLa and Darienne get “cougars” and Darienne is a whiny little bitch about being paired up with DeLa. Seriously girl? She seems to be the only one bothered by DeLa, so I really think this is more about Darienne. When a girl is an insufferable twat, EVERYBODY wants to cut a bitch.
The girls start to prepare for the challenge and Laganja is actually happy to be working with Adore, but is worried that she’ll be overshadowed and won’t be the star. Guess what? You’re right for once Laganja! Yay! You win again! Poor Laganja is trying to come up with some funny lines for the script and she is just terrible. Watching Adore flail and try to shoot down her suggestions nicely is quite hilarious.
Adore was raised right, so she doesn’t want to be mean to Laganja’s face. I would have loved to see Laganja’s face when she watched the episode and saw that talking head.
Joslyn is completely star-struck by Courtney Act and I’m a little confused. Haven’t they been working and competing together for weeks now? You think that hero worship thing would have worn off a bit by this point, especially since Courtney seems pretty approachable and down-to-earth. Also how did I miss all this time that Joslyn was from Worchester, MA? I think that’s only the second queen we’ve had from Massachusetts. Represent bitches!
Ru enters the workroom and talks to DeLa and Darienne first as they plan their cougar commercial. Darienne claims that they ARE cougars, but DeLa says she’s too young and pretty to be a cougar. I would agree, isn’t thirty-one too young to be a cougar? Let’s have a poll y’all!
Of course Darienne shoots DeLa a stank face for that comment.
It’s all very awkward between the two of them. DeLa seems slightly clueless that Darienne is being so shady towards her and I feel bad. It reminds me of Junior High when an unpopular girl would pretend to be friends with an even less popular girl, but then be all mean and nasty to her behind her back. That’s some shady, shady shit Darienne. I want to slap the bleach off of her hair.
Bianca and Trinity are working it out, but Trinity just falls to pieces when RuPaul comes around to see how they’re doing. Ru notices her retreating into her usual excuses and calls her out. Trinity responds by essentially telling Ru off, and all that’s missing is the record scratch sound effect while all the other queens turn to give their best, “Oh no she betta’ don’t!” faces.
All except for Joslyn, whose mind is preoccupied as always.
Ru mentions how Trinity turns it out in her lipsynchs, and I start screaming at my tv, “Yes! Yes! Exactly!” Trinity is so animated and has such star quality when she lip synchs, it’s weird how she tends to shut down at any other time.
Laganja and Adore go to shoot their commercial. Once again Adore is PERFECT playing a dopey bitchy teen girl. Love her. Laganja looks amazing, but she just tries too hard. She is not a natural actor like Adore is. The two of them seem to have a good time with it though and they both have legs for DAYS.
Courtney and Joslyn are next with their “hot moms” commercial. Courtney comes out drinking a mai tai the size of Milk’s package.
The two of them don’t look like mom’s at all, and their commercial appears to be kind of tragic. They don’t seem to have really scripted out the whole thing, or figured out what they’re doing. RuPaul actually needs to coach them through the scene that THEY supposedly wrote. Things are not looking good for Courtney and Joslyn. Courtney thinks they nailed it and I’m not sure if she’s being tongue-in-cheek or if she’s genuinely delusional.
Dela and Darienne come out and it’s ummm… interesting.
The characters that they’re playing are pretty funny with lots of mugging and ditziness, but it’s just a BIT awkward. It could come together in the end though. At one point they’re unwrapping bandages from their heads, and I know that there’s a condom joke in there somewhere, but I just haven’t the energy right now.
I think Darienne’s meanness just sucks it right out of me.
Bianca and Trinity come out and I am dying over Trinity’s ho look with the fried Kool-Aid colored wig ends and condoms tucked into her bra.
Bianca has been encouraging the fuck out of Trinity during this whole challenge and Trinity actually seems to finally have fun with it for a change. Yay Trinity!
Runway! The girls have to pull together their best black and white look, a theme that I think we’ve seen before on Drag Race. Not that I mind, a good black and white look is always classic.
Laganja is wearing a stupid fake mustache and I am seriously just done with this twit.
I mean, if she’d worn a Hitler mustache at least she could have claimed to be making some sort of political commentary, but no, the girl’s just desperate for attention. Maybe try setting yourself on fire Laganja, that would generate attention, plus sexy fire fighters are always good.
Courtney and Joslyn are having a bit of a spat because Courtney sees herself as a better queen than Joslyn, and Joslyn is all butt-hurt about it. Really queen? You’ve said yourself that you idolize Courtney and you’ve TOLD her that to her face. No queen is going to see someone who “idolizes” them at the same level. I’m also surprised to learn that Joslyn is twenty-six because I thought she was one of the younger queens in the competition.
While beating their faces Trinity and Bianca do a bit of queen bonding. Trinity is happy that people are taking their time to get to know her and help break down her barriers, and Bianca is proud of Trinity for giving her all in the challenge. Awww, it’s a “very special” Drag Race. I love this shit. Take notes Darienne, take notes.
Runway time! RuPaul is a vision in this tie-dye inspired gown.
She looks like a mouthful of chewed up Starburst, but in a good way.
Laganja is first and meh, I’m not feeling this look.
Her hair looks like Elvis on uppers and she’s wearing an odd sheer pant with a train attached to it. As much as Laganja irritates me, she usually does serve a pretty decent runway and this doesn’t seem up to her usual standards.
Next is Adore and she looks pretty cute in a shorter silhouette from most of her other runway looks.
Unfortunately as with all of her looks, there is no wow factor. I wonder if Adore will ever be a queen who can do the over-the-top eleganza? Or will she stick to this busted schtick and kind of make it her thing?
Bianca is next and I am LIVING for this look, I think she has never looked so gorgeous.
She is just an exquisite queen. Sometimes I really wonder if it’s unfair for her to even be in this competition because she’s so polished and successful already. I feel like no one else in this competition even comes close to her. FLOVE.
Next is Trinity and she is GORGEOUS with a dice-patterned gown.
For all the heck I give Trinity for her downer attitude and hilarious straight-faces, she really is a very pretty queen.
It’s DeLa next and I am loving this crazy optical illusion gown she’s wearing.
The neck-piece is a bit much but, eh, I still dig it.
Next is Darienne and I’m amazed to finally see her in a different cut of gown.
Still, although it’s something different, it’s also pretty boring and understated. I want to see Darienne do something big and bold that makes me go, “Ooh!” when she comes down the runway. Maybe she’s just not that sort of queen.
Courtney Act is next and I am really not digging this weirdo pants-less robot waiter look.
The sparkly hair is a little interesting, but I really didn’t get the praise that the judges heaped on this look.
Now Courtney and Joslyn were talking about how they were going to serve similar outfits on the runway, but when Joslyn comes out I’m like, “Huh?”
Courtney looked like a waiter, Joslyn looks like some weird burlesque version of Houdini. It’s not great, but I’ve never been a big fan of the naked looks.
It’s time to see our girls commercials! First up is Bianca and Trinity and their commercial aimed at the working girl! Bianca is hilarious juggling her babies and mugging for the camera like she always does.
This girl is just such a frickin’ star. I cannot handle it. I just CANNOT.
Trinity is surprisingly amazing too. She channels ho even better than Shangela LaQuifa Whatley.
I don’t know what Bianca did to get this girl to finally break out of her shell, but Trinity did a really amazing job.
They are hilarious together. Somebody get these girls a sitcom.
Are Michelle Visage and Lea Remini friends? Because their interactions together are really weird. I don’t think Ms. Remini was paying much attention because the joke about Trinity not being able to keep her lipstick on until she get’s RuPaul’s makeup, is completely lost on her. And she yells a lot. She’s an ANGRY judge.
Adore and Laganja’s “mean girls” commercial is next.
Adore is predictably hilarious and poor Laganja is just trying her best to keep up. Laganja does look adorable though, I’ll give her that. Of course all the praise for the commercial is directed at Adore and Laganja is STEAMED about it. Almost literally.
Next is Darienne and DeLa’s cougar commercial. It’s funny enough, just because DeLa and Darienne are playing their characters like crazy drugged out caricatures of Stifler’s Mom.
Unfortunately they’ve kind of missed the boat on the whole “cougar” thing. They don’t even make lusting after younger men the main focus of the commercial. The judges criticize them for focusing more on plastic surgery and less on the makeup. At least Darienne wins this week’s best, but also least-appealing blow job face.
Last and least is Joslyn and Courtney’s commercial for “hot moms” and it is just tragic.
Courtney and Joslyn are awkward and the one lone “nice package” joke falls really flat. The whole thing is just cringe-worthy. The judges love Courtney’s weirdo waiter look but read Joslyn for filth for wearing a cross between a string bikini and a pawn shop again.
Bianca, Trinity, Laganja and Adore are deemed the top queens, while Darienne, DeLa, Joslyn and Courtney are the bottoms. I am gobsmacked when Laganja and Adore are chosen as the winners of the challenge. Apparently Michelle also does not agree because she makes this face and even snarks a bit when Laganja claims to be shocked by the win.
This win should have gone to Bianca and Trinity. While Adore and Laganja’s commercial was good, Laganja gave a weak performance and her runway was fugly. Bianca and Trinity both gave SMASHING performances and their runways were both STUNNING. I call shenanigans on this whole win. I think that Bianca may be the clear winner this season and Ru is trying not to telegraph it by not giving Bianca the win every time she deserves it. This is the second time that Bianca was denied a win that she clearly deserved.
It don’t matter bitch, you will make them eat it when you take home that crown at the end.
I am expecting to see Joslyn and Courtney chosen as the bottom queens and I’m surprised when it’s DeLa and Darienne. I call bullshit on this bottom two. Sure DeLa and Darienne’s commercial wasn’t great, but at least there was some concept there and they both played the characters well. Joslyn and Courtney were clueless and their commercial was lame lame LAME. This does not seem like the right call to me at all.
DeLa and Darienne put on one heck of a lip synch though. Both are doing a great job but I’m worried that Darienne is going to win because she keeps shaking her boobies and cracking up the judges.
DeLa strolls to the back of the stage and starts to disrobe and I worry that she may be doomed. Stripping as a last ditch effort to win a lip synch never seems to pay off.
It was a very close lip synch, but in the end Ru tells Darienne to shantay, and I am LIVID! I think I actually yelled out at the tv, “This is bullshit! This BETTER be a non-elimination episode! It is far too early for DeLa to be going home! This is just not right!”
Luckily, this is Ru’s show and she can do whatever the fuck she wants and she’s decided that she wants to see more of DeLa, and she is told, “Shantay you stay,” as well! Courtney demonstrates my feelings better than I ever could.
Darienne is clearly pissed that DeLa didn’t get the boot like she was hoping.
SUCK IT DARIENNE!
Stay tuned for the recap of episode 8!