I forgot to mention in last week’s recap how DeLa left an epic of a lipstick message on the mirror before she sashayed away. Courtney says it best, and I think also drops her first ever F-bomb when she says, “What the fuck is that on the mirror?”
“I only harbor enough resentment to write a long message that you’ll have to clean and clean and clean.” Ha! DeLa 1, Darienne 0!
Courtney doesn’t understand why Adore won last week’s challenge. I’m right there with you Courtney. Adore is upset that Courtney threw her under the mat. Geez, she’s being thrown under the mat, under the ocean… by the time the proverbial bus comes around, girl is going to be in trouble.
Bianca says, “Not today Satan, not today.” and appears to say it to Courtney, but it could have easily been taken out of context. I’m going to just start saying that to random people I encounter. Like when the people at Dunkin’ Donuts ask me if I want whipped cream on my caramel latte, “Not today Satan, not today.”
The next day, Michelle informs the queens that they will be starring in RuPaul’s new music video: Sissy That Walk.
Do y’all know where Sissy that Walk came from? The incomparable Rich Juzwiak was asked to judge a child pageant and he heard a parent screaming, “You’d better sissy that walk!” at their kid. Rich then spent a week with RuPaul and Ru latched on to the phrase. If you never read Rich’s recaps he wrote for America’s Next Top Model, and the Flavor of Love shows, then you have not truly lived.
The girls will have to lipsynch, learn choreography, and improvise in some acting scenes with Ru. I would swear that last season they did the music video challenge when there were only three queens left, because I can only remember Jinx, Alaska and Roxxxy. Maybe the earlier non-elimination of DeLa left one extra queen this time around?
Darienne is drooling over the photographer.
but I think he’s a bit of a butterface.
He’s there to teach the girls their “sissyography” and Ru’s transformation into Tyra Banks is complete!
Adore and Courtney are quite good at picking up on the moves but Bianca is a little more stiff. She’s still miles ahead of some of the other bad dancers we’ve had on previous seasons of this show.
Darienne is lost, and I don’t just mean in her fat rolls. Aw that was low, even for me. I really don’t hate Darienne that much I swear, I’m sure I’d love the bitch if I met her in person. Wouldn’t turn my back to her though, she’ll cut a bitch!
Time for tic-tac lunches with Ms. RuPaul. Every time this episodes come around I get the worst craving for orange tic-tacs. Damn you Ru! Courtney comes across as supremely fake and one-dimensional in her talk with Ru, but I really don’t think it’s an act. See what I did there? I think Courtney has come from a privileged, loving background and hasn’t really struggled or gone through much negativity in her life. Often the thing that makes people have depth to their character is the hardships they’ve been through. Without hardships, I think you would wind up a little flat. She even does the pageanty smile thing where you press your tongue against the back of your teeth to fill in the gaps.
Who the fuck does that when they’re not standing on stage?
I think I’m dead right when Courtney says, “I don’t see the function of worry, I think it’s all really fun!” when Adore asks what the queens are the most worried about. I think it’s great that Courtney has had such a wonderful and positive life to the point where the doesn’t even really understand the concept of “worry” but does it make me relate to her? Hells no.
Courtney thinks that everything she says comes from the heart, and I think she’s being honest. Her heart is just shiny and pure unlike the rest of us mortals. Bianca has clearly had enough of this princess.
Now it’s Darienne’s turn for lunch with Ru. Ru looks so flippin’ gorgeous, I cannot even.
Darienne starts off being her usual self, acting over everything and above it all and Ru goes for the jugular, saying, “You were thrown out of the house as a kid weren’t you?” Oh fuck. Now I totally get Darienne. For all that the judges moaned about us never seeing the real DeLa, it always felt to me like Darienne was the one with walls up. Knowing that she went through some terrible shit with a mom who didn’t give two fucks about her simply because she was gay, it suddenly all makes sense.
I want to hug the shit out this bitchy queen right now, because that shit is just inexcusable. Mothers should love the fuck out of their kids, whether they’re gay or not.
The queens are trying to decide what to wear for the runway. Of course Courtney has oodles of amazing stuff to choose from. Bianca makes me laugh when she unenthusiastically says, “I have a hooded… thing.”
This is a factual recreation of the moment of Bianca’s birth.
Bianca comes for her lunch with Ru and says, “I feel like I’m at the Last Supper!” So of course I have to do this…
You’d better click to view this full-size bitches, that took me for-frickin’ ever!
Ru says that Bianca is one of the better players they’ve had on the show and I would argue and say she is THE best. I don’t think we’ve ever had a queen so seasoned, so polished, and so professional. I think Bianca is heads and tails over any other queen who has ever been on Drag Race. When Ru asks her if she’s prepared for the world to know the nicer side of her that she’s shown on the show, Bianca quips, “You’ve been filming this? There’s tape in those cameras?”
Oh Bianca, you are too much. If you don’t win this, I think the very fabric of space and time may be destroyed.
Adore goes in for her turn with Ru and I can’t help but be reminded of when Ru played the guidance counselor on the Brady Bunch movie.
Adore is just still so little and green y’all. We find out that Adore’s relationship with her father is nonexistent. The fuck parents? THE FUCK? This makes me so mad to hear. Who wouldn’t want to have a kid who was so fucking talented, and be able to call them your son? You fail me parents, you fail me!
Video time! But’is face choreographer is there and after a bit of group choreography, orders Bianca on a treadmill in front of a green screen.
“It’s weird to be on a treadmill with heels! Now you add a fan, I’m having Hurricane Katrina flashbacks!”
Ha! I die, but I also cry a little inside for New Orleans.
Courtney actually seems to think that she’s supposed to be working out on the treadmill. This is not Spin Class girl! What, that’s bikes? Whatever. Fuck if I’ve ever stepped foot into a gym.
Adore is great and she freaks out a bit when Darienne totally copies her moves when it’s her turn.
“Bitch I did that first!”
Time for ACTING. Adore looks like Katy Perry, and she needs to improv that she’s a new girl in Hollywood doing her first photo-shoot.
She is hilarious as always. Adore always kills these acting challenges. Someone get this girl a show or something.
Now Bianca is up playing the ingenue. A rather… mature ingenue. RuPaul seems to take the improv much further with her than she did with Adore, asking her to pose like a baby, People Magazine’s sexiest baby alive, a baby spanking herself.
Bianca seems bothered by the whole thing, “These poses are insane! Who wrote this shit?”
Oh Bianca, this is 100% RuPaul, haven’t you seen Star Booty? Girl is fucked in the head. We still love her though.
Darienne’s turn in front of the camera. She seems to do fine as well. All the queens in the final four this season have decent acting chops and it’s nice to not see any cringe-worthy moments.
Courtney is also decent in front of the camera, and once again Ru seems to go off the rails with the improv. First Courtney needs to be a sexy dog, then a hot dog, then a horn dog which I amusingly misheard as “corn dog”.
I think sexy corn dog would have been funnier. Courtney also has the worst twerk of all, which surprises me, and she slaps Ru about 500,000 times.
The queens go to shoot their second scene with Ru where the ingenue has now become a washed-up has-been. For some reason Ru reminds me of the talent scout from the Brady Bunch in this getup.
I am getting all kinds of Brady Bunch flash-backs this episode, aren’t I?
Bianca and Adore both do a good job with their scenes, but Courtney kind of overdoes it with the props.
Ru puts on a hilarious Australian accent during the scene though. I wish they had more challenges when they were acting with Ru, she’s just so danged funny.
Darienne’s performance is a little weak at first, but she brings it at the end. Her breakdown is so over-the-top, Ru feels compelled to come back into the scene after her character walks off and continue the ad-libbing.
I wonder if that will make it to the final cut of the video?
It’s the last day in the competition and the queens reminisce back to when they first met one another. It’s all very sweet. It’s a welcome change from past seasons when there was always a nasty bitch sniping at the others. *cough* Roxxxy *cough* PhiPhi *cough* I’m glad these queens all seem to genuinely be fond of one another.
I think this look is one of Ru’s rare misses. I am really not feeling it.
Adore is wearing a pretty sequinsed dress. It’s nothing to write home about, but her body looks great. I don’t know why she complains about having a hog body when she’s such a skinny bitch.
Bianca is STUNNING! This whole look just screams WINNER.
Courtney looks pretty and polished, but eh, I find the hair to be a bit dated. I don’t know, maybe I just expected more from her since her wardrobe is so frickin’ big it leads to Narnia.
Darienne looks nice, I like her with this hair color too.
Deliberations! The judges loved Adore’s performance in the video and Bianca’s. Courtney literally falls over when Michelle tells her that she wouldn’t change a thing about her outfit. They’re slightly more critical about Courtney’s performance in the video, but it’s all nitpicking. Darienne’s performance is similarly nitpicked. These queens are all really great, so even a tiny slip-up can put you on the bottom.
The queens give their speeches about why THEY should be America’s Next Drag Superstar.
Adore essentially says, because she’s awesome and it’s a party. Who can argue with that? Bianca makes a nice but fairly scripted sounding speech about how she didn’t expect to grow from the experience but she did and how it melted her icy heart. Well played Bianca. Courtney literally calls herself a “polished product” and I hear her death-knell sounding already. Darienne puts down all of the other queens in order to sell herself as unique and I hear her death knell sounding too. Looks like this game is going to come down to Bianca & Adore in the end.
After deliberations, Ru wants ALL the queens to lip synch for their lives to her new single, Sissy That Walk!
It’s hard to get a good look at how they compare to one another because they show almost no long-shots of the full stage. Immediately though I notice that the energy of this song does not seem to be suited to Darienne’s usual schtick which is channeling the emotions of the song. Sissy that Walk is just a high-energy dance track and her lip synch seems a little mismatched. Adore and Bianca seem to stand out above the other two, but all the queens do a good enough job and seem to have fun with the lip synch.
After the lip synch Ru tells Darienne to sashay away. She goes out in style though as she jokingly disses Courtney when she goes in for a goodbye hug with a, “Get out of my way!” Aww, goodbye you crazy bitch you.
Two more weeks before we find out who is America’s Next Drag Superstar! Until next week hunties!