I have to admit, when I heard this episode was going to have the queens doing a ’90s style rap I was a bit underwhelmed. But these queens BROUGHT it and the episode was one of the more hilarious ones this season.
Back in the werk room after last week’s elimination, the girls are mourning the loss of Gia and Laganja is having an enormous pity party. She’s used to winning and she’s upset that she’s found herself to be one of the bottom queens in this season. Pun intended. All I can say to Laganja is, “Suck it up buttercup!” You see parents? This is what happens when you do that, “Everyone gets a trophy!” bullshit: queens who cry and piss and moan when they’re not number one all the time. So the moral is, don’t give all the kids trophies, otherwise you get whiny drag queens. The world can’t have that.
Trinity also takes a moment to let the rest of the queens know that she is HIV positive. She shared this on last week’s Untucked to some of the girls, and she wanted to be sure that everyone knew. The rest of the queens are all very sweet and accepting of the news, as they should be. It’s very brave of Trinity to be upfront about her status. To this day there is still such an unnecessary stigma and shame surrounding HIV, and it’s a big step to publicly admit that you are living with the disease. Kudos to you Trinity.
The next day it’s back into the werk room, and Laganja is wearing another stupid hat.
To my delight, THE LIBRARY IS OPEN! I have been anxiously waiting for this challenge ever since I learned that Bianca was an insult comic. Me and my pale skin can’t wait to bask in the lack of sunlight from all the shade she is going to throw. The other queens brace themselves for the tea about to be thrown in their face.
“Ben DeLa Creme, after seeing you in drag now I know why Seattle has such a high suicide rate.”
Adore earns my seal of approval when she tells Laganja to reverse her death-drop and instead drop-dead.
Trinity’s reads are pretty weak but she cracks me up when she makes Courtney do this:
Milk gets in a pretty good jab at Joslyn, but her read of Darienne’s kitten heels doesn’t really hit home. Courtney Act is just too danged sweet to really do a proper reading of someone. She does her best though, bless her little gay heart. Joslyn throws a good “reverse cowgirl” barb at Darienne. DeLa’s reads are ok, but they feel really scripted.
Laganja is terrible and she knows it because she’s wearing eyes on springs to try to deflect the attention from her awful jokes. She looks like the creepy guy Christopher Lloyd played in “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?”
Darienne is last and she’s clearly the winner because her jokes were just a bit more mean than Bianca’s. She’s turning out to be a bit of a shady lady and for some reason she’s gunning for DeLa. I’m not sure why, I thought y’all were friends?
Darienne’s win means she gets to choose her teammates for the main challenge. The queens have to write, rap and perform for a ’90s style music video called, “Oh No She Betta’ Don’t”. At first I was puzzled by Darienne’s first choice of Laganja, but then I remembered they’ll probably be dancing, and for all her annoyances, Laganja IS a good dancer. Darienne’s team winds up being Laganja, Bianca, Adore and Courtney. Milk, DeLa, Joslyn and Trinity are the Professor and Mary Ann. Trinity seems beyond thrilled about this challenge.
The girls get to work and Laganja is choreographing their “moves” for their video. They’re doing some weird gay “Heil Hitler” salute and Adore is not feeling it.
DeLa is adorably psyched about the challenge and does a little amazing white-boy dance in one of her talking heads.
Trinity tries out the lyrics she’s written and I literally have no idea what she’s saying. Words maybe? DeLa recommends she practice her enunciation and Trinity kills her with her eyes.
Adore is so into this challenge that it is ADORABLE. I can’t wait to see what she does with it. Darienne on the other hand is feeling very awkward about the whole thing due to her lack of street cred. Girl, you can fake that shit.
Trinity pauses her “Enunciation for Queens” tape to go over the choreography with her team. She tries to guide DeLa in some hip movements and it looks like they’re taking a Lamaze class together.
Ru comes and announces the guest judges and everyone pretends to be all excited about them. Laganja is so excited, she does this:
Some grade-school type shade goes on between DeLa and Darienne and meh, I prefer to ignore it. Can’t you queens all just get along? Darienne is coming across as a bit of a mean girl and it’s disappointing. When other people win more than you, don’t be bitter, be BETTER.
Video time! Darienne’s group is called the Panty Ho’s. HA! Did they come up with that themselves or were the names given out? They look absolutely hilarious and perfect for the challenge. Bianca and Adore in particular are giving me such a nineties flashback, it’s like I’m back in Junior High again.
Bianca goes first and she is abso-fucking-lutely hilarious. I could not love this bitch more. Bianca may be my favorite queen ever out of all the seasons of Drag Race, and that is saying something!
Adore wins the one-liner of the week though when after praising Bianca’s performance she cracks, “She’s everything I want to be when I’m 57!” Bianca will probably steal that for her rolodex of hate.
It’s Adore’s turn and she is absolutely amazing. She is bringing it in the challenge, and her look is so on point. Phenomenal.
Laganja is up next and her look is well… interesting. I’m really not sure what she thinks she’s going for here. Her rapping is weak too, and she screws up a lot. *yawn*
Darienne trips up a lot too and I don’t find her look to be particularly ’90s either. We never even get to see Courtney’s bit of the video, which is too bad because I thought her outfit looked adorable.
It’s “The Rest!” Also known as the Ru Tang Clan.
DeLa is up first and she looks hilarious. She stumbles a bit at the beginning but eventually she finds her inner Beastie Boy and turns it out rather well.
Trinity’s look is spot on but she stumbles a bit with her rap and you can’t understand a word that she says.
Milk is wearing… I’m not sure what Milk is wearing. She looks like that weird girl you knew in 6th grade who always wore mismatched neon socks with jelly flats. It’s not good, but it’s mildly endearing.
They go to take some wide shots of Milk and she starts doing this amazing interpretive dance with flailing arms and spins and it’s really quite hypnotic. Oh Milk, I love you, but hip hop is clearly not your thing. We don’t get to see Joslyn at all.
The girls are getting ready for the runway and Bianca gives us another look at her gooey center as she talks with Trinity about her HIV status. It’s all very lovely and supportive and this is how I like to see my queens treat one another. Take notes Darienne. You don’t want to be the next PhiPhi O’Hara.
First up is Joslyn in some weird strappy blue bathing suit and with a terrible white lip. I do not care for this look. What was the theme for this runway anyway?
Next up is DeLa and I’m getting a serious Betty Rubble vibe from this. I think she looks adorable.
Now I’m really confused about what the theme for this runway is because suddenly Trinity comes out looking like a flower child. It’s very different from what we’ve seen her in before, but she looks gorgeous and completely fishy. I LOVE her in the long straight wig.
Time for a tall glass of Milk.
Oh my dear Milk. I loved her SO much in her Meet the Queens video, but I truly think that she was just not ready for this competition. Every look we’ve seen her in has been unpolished and has a “slapped together” quality that just shouldn’t be happening in a competition of this level. I went to an art college and knew guys who would occasionally do drag just for the fun of it. They would borrow whatever bits of girl clothes that they could find to fit them from their dorm neighbors and put on some hasty makeup. This is what Milk reminds me of. She could be amazing, but she seems to think that she’s incapable of being a pretty queen so she does kooky instead. I think she truly doesn’t realize how lovely she is because she could so easily do high glam and sell it like hotcakes. Girl needs a major confidence boost. I know there is an amazing queen in there somewhere.
Laganja has a silver crotch wedgie. Do I really need to say more?
I feel like we see this same silhouette on Darienne every single week. She needs to show some variety both in the cut of the dresses and in her hair. I’m amazed no one has harped on her for it yet.
The lovely Ms. Del Rio. This is how you work a caftan. Take notes Honey Mahogany!
You can tell that Adore is just brimming over with confidence this week. She ATE that runway. Even though I think her outfit kind of sucks, her energy was so great that I just don’t care. She really is adorable.
Let’s talk about Courtney Act for a minute. I love her, I think she’s just darling, AND she is all kinds of beautiful. But I’m sorry girl, you are just not a body queen.
That body? All boy. Those hips and that waist just scream out BOY to me. It takes more than just being slender to be a body queen. Shannel, Carmen Carrera and Yara Sophia could do naked convincingly, but Courtney just looks like a skinny boy with a pretty face. She ought to stick to outfits where she can pad and cinch that waist in a bit. These naked looks kill any illusion of woman for me.
Time for the video! Oh no she betta’ had not! Ru is wearing some kind of Flavor Flav getup for the music video and I am just dying! I didn’t realize that I could love RuPaul even more!
The video is far funnier than I ever thought it would be. We start off with the Ru-Tang Clan and Joslyn and DeLa both do a great job, although I’m not really getting 90s from Joslyn’s look. I’ll forgive her, was she even around for the 90s? Trinity looks great but I have no idea what she’s saying. Milk is hilarious but a bit tragic. I still love her. Next are the Panty Ho’s and both Laganja and Darienne are particularly weak with the rapping. Everyone else is great though. Bianca completely steals the show with her character and has me cracking up the whole time. Adore though is just straight out of a 90s video. She plays the part perfectly, and even though she is not the funniest in the video, it’s clear that she’s going to be the winner.
The judges get to work on the queens and as expected, Adore and Bianca are in the top while Darienne, Trinity and Milk are on the bottom. I’m a bit surprised when Laganja is declared safe, because I thought her performance was one of the weakest.
Of course Adore is named the winner, and it’s great to see just how happy she is about it. It’s a well deserved win, bitch absolutely nailed that challenge.
I’m surprised to see that Milk and Trinity are chosen as the bottom two. I would have put Darienne in the bottom with Milk. Right away I know that Milk is going to be sashaying away, because we know that Trinity can KILL a lipsynch, and the song is just perfect for her.
Milk does her kooky thing and it’s very fun and cute, but Trinity’s performance was magnetic. It’s a no-brainer and Milk is told to sashay away. She gets a bit teary when she thanks RuPaul for having her on the show. She thanks Ru for letting her be herself and not laughing at her and I’m puzzled as-to where this insecurity comes from. Milk is so gorgeous and obviously talented, I hope she has come to realize some of that post-show. You will be missed Milk.
Until next week hunties!